The Insidious Nature of Domestic Violence

Perhaps the most powerful storyline in “Big Little Lies” is Celeste’s experience with domestic abuse. Moriarty skillfully illustrates how domestic violence can exist behind the facade of a seemingly perfect marriage—even one with wealth, beauty, and apparent mutual adoration.

Celeste’s situation mirrors the reality that domestic abuse transcends socioeconomic boundaries. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, one in four women experience severe intimate partner violence in their lifetime, regardless of education level or financial status. The book accurately portrays how victims often struggle to identify as such and make excuses for their abusers—Celeste repeatedly minimizes her husband Perry’s violence as “passionate” or mutual. Even in our book study on this matter, we uncovered how unfortunately common it is, and it isn’t always the male who is the offender. This is too big an issue to go un talked about. I encourage you to read this book, take in the hard realities it portrays and ruminate on how we can be prepared to be there for someone who might find themselves in this situation (You probably know someone and don’t even realize it). It’s a silent killer that destroys a person’s self worth first and seeps to the surface slowly. HEAVY BUT WORTH IT!

The School-Gate Politics

The competitive parenting culture at Pirriwee Public School—complete with cliques, gossip, and judgment—provides both comic relief and social commentary on how adults often recreate high school dynamics when raising their children. We never really grow up do we! I find this is more real than we’d like to admit.

Real-life correlation: Studies have documented “intensive parenting” trends that have intensified competition among parents. A 2018 Cornell University study found that parents increasingly view their children’s achievements as reflections of their own worth and parenting abilities. The book’s portrayal of the kindergarten parents’ intense involvement mirrors the real pressure many parents feel to ensure their children excel academically and socially from the earliest ages. Unfortunately, I have already felt this with my one year old.  

The Power of Female Friendship

Despite their differences, the friendship that develops among Madeline, Celeste, and Jane becomes a source of strength, ultimately saving lives! The novel celebrates how women can support each other through crises.

Real-life correlation:  As the book began, it is hard to tell if these women are actually connecting, sizing each other up or using one another. Probably all three. But isn’t that exactly how women are (if we’re honest?)  Slow to trust, quick to retreat and hard as nails on each other! It’s like the closer you are, the more you bear the honest ugly truth. The question is, can you pass the test? But, how beautiful it is when we do see those strong connections last through the subconscious tests we put up. When we break down walls and truly find someone we can be vulnerable with (it goes both ways). It’s not hard to see the improved mental health and resilience of both parties. A landmark UCLA study found that women’s stress responses often include a “tend and befriend” pattern rather than just “fight or flight,” suggesting that forming supportive networks is an innate coping mechanism for many women. The trio’s friendship in the novel exemplifies how such connections can provide crucial support during life’s challenges, and boy does life give us challenges!

The Impact of Childhood Trauma

Through Jane’s storyline, we explore how a single traumatic event can shape someone’s entire life trajectory and self-perception.

Real-life correlation: The growing field of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) confirms what the novel illustrates—that childhood trauma can have lasting impacts on mental health, relationships, and physical well-being. The American Academy of Pediatrics now recognizes that addressing childhood trauma is essential for lifelong health, much as Jane must confront her past to move forward. I think our generation is finally figuring this out! How many of us are in counseling, questioning our upbringing, putting reason to our triggers and allowing that to help us move on from being trapped by our subconscious. Now, on the flip side I do think we might be going overboard on the “I need answers” and “it’s all my parents fault” train. There’s no excuse for being a jerk… So fix that. But it is a wonderful movement, when paired with learning discipline on how to overcome the things we are learning about ourselves. 

My heart also sinks when I think of all the ways I am going to traumatize our baby girl. This is where prayer comes in and learning how to say sorry! Right?